Harper's Sleep (or lack there of) Story

My baby doesn't sleep. OK, she sleeps but not on her own and when she does decide to close her lids, its not for long, and she needs me, always. Let's start from the beginning...

Harper was born at 1:27 in the morning almost a year ago. From that moment her sleeping story began. I remember in the hospital at around 5 a.m. after we had got settled in our postpartum room and we were on a high from our new bundle of joy but also extremely tired from a full day of baby having. It was time for us (Mommy, Daddy, and Harper) to all get some shut eye and the nurse said if we wanted Harps to go to the nursery so we could sleep it was no big deal and they would bring her back when she needed to eat. Of course I didn't want to do that, she was my new three hours old princess. I tried laying her in the bassinet while she was sound asleep (only a few hours old) she immediately woke up and fussed so I picked her back up, (fell asleep again) and tried laying her back down. She was not having it! So I called the nurse in to come and get her because I felt like a zombie. I felt so bad but knew I better take advantage of the help.

Hours old, sleeping in Mommy's arms.

One day old sleeping on Mommy's chest. 

I probably slept one hour before they brought her back and needed to check vitals etc. It was OK because I was so full of adrenaline that I couldn't even tell I was exhausted. So the first day of her life began and she slept the whooole day. Like literally I couldn't even wake her up to eat. She slept through all the visitors, nurses, everything! Of course she was being held all day so I didn't even think twice. Then the night came again and I tried laying her in the bassinet. NOPE. Hates that thing. So I held her and watched infomercials and stared at her until probably two a.m. and then had the nurses come and get her again so I could try to sleep. They of course brought her back about two hours later and my day pretty much started. The second day was not as peachy as the first. They had warned me that after the first 24 hours she might be fussy all day and that its normal and boy were they right... She pretty much cried all day, could not get happy so she was just  pretty much attached to my boob. And of course we had lots of visitors that day so they all saw me but I didn't even care at that point. (All my modesty went out the window when I had her...). Anyways it was a rough day and night and again I think she went to the nursery that night again. From these couple days I knew instantly that we were going to have a rough time with sleeping. The next day it was finally time to go home and she was good that day, slept, liked the car seat, and when we got home we just held her and loved on her. My plan was for her to sleep in the Rock and Play next to our bed at night. She would sleep but wake up every two hours which was expected with a newborn but after about two weeks she would just not stay asleep.

This is how I took showers for months!

Rare moments of napping without being held.

She was not liking the swaddle at night time...

She loved the swing!

Every time I put her down she would wake up, it was exhausting, so that somehow resorted to her sleeping in the bed with me, propped up on the boppy because I was so nervous of her turning over in the bed or something. Which also left her poor Daddy to having to sleep on the couch... So from that moment on she has slept like that till this day (minus the boppy at around 6 months old). And this ordeal is only for bedtime...

For naps, she use to sleep either in her swing or sometimes Rock and Play, or being held. As she got older she would only nap in the swing or being held, and then the swing got the boot and now she will only nap if someone is holding her...

Some of the first moments of her sleeping on the boppy in bed with me. 

This is how we slept for the first 6 months.. cute right?!

Very rare moment! 

So funny how she use to sleep on the boppy!

Napping on Mommy.

Getting a little too big for the swing...

This is pretty much what our nights look like... sleepy mom, not so sleepy babe. 

A sweet moment of bliss.

She has also been attached to her "baby" lovey since she was about six weeks old. It is still a MUST at bedtime and nap time.

Remember that one time when she was watching tv in the rock and play and she was being  way to quiet so I looked and she was sleeping?! Yeah this only happened once!

That one time when I was sick and we napped together, Love these moments!

Our current sleeping situation. :)

I love sleeping with her at night time and holding her on my chest for naps. It is our time to be snuggly together. It is so much easier to nurse at night because I can just whip it out and fall back asleep. (Oh and did I mention that she has never slept through the night and has woken up every couple hours for her whole life. Yup, don't mess with this tired Mama. I blame it on the NO sleep for a year...). But it is also so wearing mentally on Me... At bedtime I have to be holding her or laying in bed with her because if I want to get up and go do stuff she eventually wakes up and notices I'm not there anymore. I can't get anything done during the day because she will only nap on Me. This is so incredibly frustrating for Me because I have absolutely no Me time. I feel so bad saying that because I know I am a Mom and I am not just a "Me" anymore but I hope you know what I mean... I am so envious of Moms who put there babies to bed and they get to do whatever they want, watch TV, spend time with their loves, have adult conversations... I love you more than life itself Harper Jane but it is time for you to be a big girl and sleep without Mommy!

I have recently started putting her in her pack n play in our room at nighttime and she will just sit in there for about a half hour and listen to her music and eventually she will fall asleep. (Poor girl falls asleep sitting up and folds over because she fights it so hard). I then go and get her when either I'm ready to lay down or she wakes up crying. I have also been doing this for naps during the day when we are home and today she slept for almost two hours. I am so proud of her and I know she can sleep on her own, I think honestly I am the one who needs to let her be a big girl but its so hard... She has been my sleeping companion for almost a year now and I do absolutely love co-sleeping. I do plan on bed sharing for a little longer or at least till we move out of my parents house and she has her own room. Now I sound a little contradicting but she is making huge improvements and I am finally getting a little Me time which makes for a happier mommy and baby. This also makes my Nick seem like he is never around and has never helped which is so far from the truth but when it comes to sleep it has always been kind of my thing because of breastfeeding and the role that it plays in Harper actually falling asleep. Sorry for the long post but I just want to remember this and maybe help another tired Mama out there. You are not alone! Tired mamas unite!!
The most recent sleeping Harper pictures... Has anyone noticed that there is no pictures of her sleeping in a crib? That's because she never has until today... Yippee!!

So damn cute in her shorts!

Swoooon!!!